What the heart desires
by Mz.Mickey0014
Summary: Continuation of dear john. Set in 2008, Tim is in remission and living happily with Savannah. But what will happen when John returns and old feelings are rekindled? Does John keep his promise to not come in between her marriage?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello, readers. **** I'm very excited for you to read this story. I am in love with Nicholas Sparks' novels and **_**Dear John**_** is one of my favorites. I really wanted the story to continue and even though I cannot do the great Spark's justice, I will try my best to write something you guys will enjoy reading. This story will be filled with romance, some humor, and quite a bit of drama. I love constructive criticism so please let me know what you think about it. Enjoy. **

_Lenoir, North Carolina 2008_

Savannah POV

The light breeze from the window filled the room as Savannah got dressed. After she pulled on her shorts and t-shirt, she walked over to the mirror and ran a brush through her hair. She could already smell the sweet aroma of cinnamon and strawberries coming from the kitchen. When she was done, she walked downstairs into the kitchen where Tim stood at the stove with an apron on. When he saw her, he smiled and turned the stove off.

"There you are. I thought you'd never get up." He walked over and kissed her softly.

She smiled. "Unlike you, some people don't like to wake up at the crack of dawn. So what is all this?" she asked, gesturing toward the stove. Tim walked over and put some French toast and fresh berries on two plates and grabbed a pitcher of orange juice from the refrigerator. After he sprinkled some powdered sugar on the toast, he grabbed the tray and walked out onto the side porch, where a table was set up. After Savannah followed, he pulled out a chair for her.

"This," he began as he took a seat. "is breakfast." He picked up the pitcher and poured a glass for each of them.

"And, why might I ask, do I deserve this?" he cut a piece of toast and fed it to her.

"Can't I do something nice just because I love and care about you?" he asked innocently.

Savannah nodded. "Sure. It's just that you usually say that when you're guilty." Tim laughed and took a bite. "Well then. I guess my work just isn't appreciated around here."

"The toast could be a little better." She joked. "So where's Alan?"

"At your parent's house. He decided to stay there last night, so I just came home without him."

Savannah took a sip of her juice. "That's why I didn't hear him last night. I thought I was just really tired."

"Yeah, I was a little excited that he didn't come home, until I got here and you were asleep and all." He pretended to pout as he looked on the ground.

"Really?" she asked.

"Yup. We should take very opportunity we get, especially if we want a little one running around." He said. Savannah sighed and looked over the porch to the stables. She could see Midas fussing around in there.

"We already talked about this. You know I want a child just as much as you do. We just need to keep trying and it'll happen when it's meant to happen. In the meantime," she walked around the table and sat on his lap. "We'll just have fun trying, ok?" She kissed his forehead as he rubbed her back.

"Okay then. And if it still doesn't happen, we'll keep trying over and over and over….."

"Ok, maybe not that much, I'm not a machine." She said. He laughed and they finished their breakfast. As they carried the plates inside, Tim's phone rang. He answered it and spoke for a few minutes before turning to Savannah. "That was Jeremy. He has some paperwork we need to go over so he wants me at the office in a few minutes."

After Savannah had received the money from that anonymous donor nearly three years ago, Tim had gone to MD Anderson for a vaccine trial that November. He was treated with biochemotherapy and adjuvant therapy prior to the trial. A little while after, he was informed that the treatment was a major success and miraculously, for the past year and a half, he had been in remission.

For the past few months, he had been feeling better than ever and made tremendous progress. He still stuck to frequent doctor's visits, just to make sure everything was under control. But it was basically as if everything was back to normal. Of course, he didn't want to be bored all day, so he started to work from home. He had gotten in touch with some friends and was even starting a business.

"Okay. I think I'm going to head to the store. We need some things for dinner tonight."

"Okay. I don't know when I'll be back. I'll see you later. I love you" He gave her a small kiss before walking out the door.

"Love you, too." She yelled back.

John POV

John went through every station on the radio, trying to find something he liked. It had become a new game he created for himself. Anytime he got in the car, which was very often, he would try to listen to a different station. Over the past few months, he had heard a lot of new songs and learned about tons of great artists he never knew existed. It somehow kept him in touch with the world.

About 6 months earlier, he had left the service. After he left Lenoir, he had spent a little over a year in both Germany and Iraq. The army had become his life. It wasn't that he wanted it to, it's just what happened. Though he liked the distraction it offered him, he knew that he wasn't really living his life. He was doing something good and serving his country, but the satisfaction he used to feel for doing it seemed less rewarding. It wasn't that he didn't like to help; it was just that he very seldom found enjoyment in things now. After he resigned, he had gone down to Atlanta with his friend Tony. After much convincing, he had gotten John to spend a few weeks with him at his house. He felt bad for him and he knew that things had been rough the past couple of months, so he wanted to get him out into the world. After a while, John had grown tired of things, so he gathered up his savings and got on the Harley he had bought when he was in Germany. At first, he didn't know what he was going to do. All he had was some money saved up, his belongings, and his father's house back in Wilmington.

He had spent the first few months just riding around and even got himself a decent truck for a bargain. He drove all around upper Georgia and through South Carolina. He went to different restaurants and stores, occasionally stopping at some motels for the night. Even though he wasn't much of a surfer anymore, he still liked to stop by the beach anytime he could find one. He would go the nearest store, buy a beer, and sit on the sand, watching as the waves rolled in and out.

He had even gone on a couple of dates; meeting girls at restaurants or walking near the pier. Whenever they would ask where he was from, he would just say he was in the army and would be back in Germany in a few weeks. Then he would have a quick fling, hop in his truck or on his Harley, and move on to the next city. It wasn't that he just used them. He hadn't even slept with any of the girls he had dated. He just didn't want to get attached to something that most likely wouldn't last. Even he started to believe that he was going back to base. But of course, he always woke up either in a hotel room or at a friend's house.

He still remembered that fateful day; his first day back from Lenoir. It felt different. Usually after he came back from leave, there would be a level of excitement. Although he would have to be away from Savannah, he still held on to the fact that they would be reunited. But that time was different. They wouldn't be reunited again.

Savannah. It seemed like her presence was all around him, even after so much time. He knew he had to leave in order for her to be happy. With Tim's condition, she was more distraught than ever, and with him in the mix, she would only be more confused. He didn't regret his decision to leave her a few years ago. Of course he still loved her, but he used that love to reassure him that he had made the right decision. If he hadn't let go, she wouldn't be able to live the life she had now.

After he had sold his father's coins and donated the money to Tim's treatment, he had kept in touch with his lawyer, just to know Tim's progress. He was informed that the treatment had gone well and that Tim was in remission. About a month later, his lawyer told him that he was doing even better and was even on his way home. John was happy for them, but requested that he not call him anymore. He figured that as long as Tim was healthy and happy, he had no business knowing how he and Savannah were spending their lives.

John finally settled on an eighties station and turned the volume up. He rolled down his window to let the breeze in. He had been driving for the past two and half hours and was getting hungry. The night before, he had stayed at a nearby hotel. After checking out, he loaded his things into his truck and began driving.

He didn't really know where he was going. He figured he would head to his father's house and figure things out from there. His stomach growled and he turned onto the lane for the nearest exit. He would just stop and get something to eat and be back on his way. As he turned on the street, he saw the familiar _Welcome to Lenoir, North Carolina _sign.

He turned up the music some more as he drove to a nearby pier. After he parked his truck, he got out and walked up the creaky steps that led to the boardwalk. There was a long line of carts, all selling different kinds of seafood. He walked past each one, some selling crab or lobster salads, others with a wide variety of shrimp. As he got farther, he could smell something frying and he spotted a cart selling fish and chips. He walked over and got in line just as a brunette was tying up a bag of fresh tilapia.

"Thank you so much, Dave." She spoke to the man behind the cart.

"No problem, dear. You know I always leave the best ones for you." John couldn't get over how familiar she sounded, but figured it was just in his head. _What are the odds? _He thought. The woman paid the man and turned around, nearly knocking John over.

"Sorry-" she began before looking up. John's breath caught in his throat when he saw Savannah. He sighed, feeling stupid. He should have known that no amount of time would let him forget her distinct voice.

"John." She said, at a loss for words.

"Savannah." He said simply. Though he didn't plan on it happening, he had always sort of predicted what he would say if he ever saw her again. But as soon as he looked into her eyes, all words flew from his mind.

"Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it?"

He nodded nervously. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered, if that was even possible. "Yeah, I know."

"So what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Just in the neighborhood. On my way to Wilmington. Thought I'd grab something to eat. You?"

"Getting some food for dinner. They always have the freshest seafood here." She gestured to her bag. John nodded. He hated this. The fact that they had to resort to meaningless small talk after everything they had gone through.

Being Savannah, she probably thought the same thing and spoke up. "What are we doing?" she asked.

"We're talking."

"No, John. We're not." She sighed and looked down on the ground. "Listen, I know that you left so that I could focus on my marriage, but…it still hurt, John." He could hear her voice crack at the end as she started to get emotional.

"Savannah, I'm sorry." He clenched his teeth as he tried to stay firm. "I know that, but I just don't think it's best for us to talk."

She cleared her throat. "I know. I just needed you to hear that." She reached into her bag and pulled out a small piece of paper before scribbling a number on it. "I'm hoping we can talk about it. If you want to." She held out the piece of paper. John stared at it for a long time, contemplating it. "Please?" she added quietly. He took the paper and stuffed it in his pocket.

"I'll think about it."

She gave a weak smile and started to walk away. "Thank you, John. It was nice seeing you." She turned around and walked down the pier. John looked back at her. "You, too." He whispered.

Savannah POV

Savannah picked the pails up off the ground and hung them on the fence. She called over a few of the horses and they eagerly came trotting down the stable. While they ate, Savannah sat up on the fence and looked over the ranch. It was already pretty late, so the moon was out. She love being out there at night, when the moonlight was shining on the green pastures. It gave her a sense of peace, even when she felt anything but that.

She wasn't that surprised that she saw John. Even though he said they probably wouldn't see each other again, she never really believed it. She felt that he would turn up in her life again eventually, she just didn't know when. What shocked her was his reaction towards her. When John left, he had made it very clear that he wasn't willing to come in between her and Tim and she understood that. But she always thought that when they met up again, he would maybe not feel that way anymore. Of course she knew he wouldn't be willing to ruin her marriage, but she at least thought he'd want to talk to her. With all the emotions and mixed feelings around, they were probably a long way from being friends, but for some reason, she was worried that John would really not be in her life. In no way whatsoever.

She still loved him, that was for sure. Her feelings towards him hadn't changed. It took her a while to come to terms with what he'd done for her, and when she did realize what he had done, she loved him even more. It was something she hated herself for. It wasn't that she didn't love Tim. He was one of the most important people in her life. She just couldn't get over the fact that she still loved another man that wasn't her husband.

She gave a nervous laugh. At twenty nine, she felt like she was no wiser than she had been years before. Over the years, there had been many times when she thought she couldn't be with Tim. He was such a good man and she didn't deserve him. There was always a sense of guilt over her head. It got harder as time progressed.

She had always wanted a family and so did Tim. They had been trying over the past year, but nothing happened. She wanted to blame it on biology, but that wasn't the only issue. When the topic was brought up, she felt a little hesitant. Not really about having children, but mostly about having children with Tim. As a wife, it was the worst thing she could have thought and she hated herself for even letting it cross her mind, but it did. As happy as he made her at times, she always felt like there was something in the way and John's face immediately flashed into her mind.

Savannah sighed and tried to clear her thoughts. She jumped off the fence and pulled the empty pails down before sitting on a stool next to Midas. She rubbed his nose and ran her hand down his neck.

"What do you think, huh? You think we should have a baby?" she asked softly. Midas lowered his head and she rubbed it. "I guess you don't know the answer either." They sat there for a while until she got up and locked up the fence. "Good night, Midas." She whispered as she walked slowly back to the house. When she got inside, she looked at her phone on the counter and sighed, wondering if John would call.

**A/N: Thank you for reading. **** This was sort of just a follow up chapter to know where the characters are. There will be a lot more happening in the following chapters, so please stay tuned. If you like this story so far, I also have another Nicholas Sparks fanfiction for **_**The last song.**_** I mostly stick to the romance/family/humor/drama genres. If you want to check it out, the URL is below. Anyway, please leave a review and let me know what you think. Thanks. **

**Love that lasts**

.net/s/6310190/1/Love_that_lasts


	2. Chapter 2

John POV

John turned up the radio as he drove in the darkness. It was around eleven o'clock at night and he had been driving for almost an hour. He wasn't in a very good mood and the endless driving wasn't exactly fun. The past three nights, he had stayed in a nearby motel to get a break from driving. He hadn't really gone out much, mostly because he didn't want to run into a certain someone. He still wasn't over seeing Savannah. After she had left the pier, he cursed himself. Not because they ran into each other, but because of the affect his treacherous body let him have on her. He didn't want to have feelings for her. It only made it harder for him to move on. He knew her very well, and it killed him to know that she was probably waiting by the phone for him to call. But he decided it was best that he didn't call her. The last thing he wanted was to be reminded again of what he lost.

He shook his head and turned up the radio some more, until the music was practically drowning out his own thoughts. The next hour flew by until he felt the truck bounce for a second. He slowed down, thinking that he hit something, but when he looked in his rearview mirror, he didn't see anything on the road. He continued driving until he heard a noise that sounded like it was coming from the truck. He drove a little more to see if he could ignore it, but he couldn't. He sighed and pulled over to the side of the road. Before he got out, he grabbed a flashlight from underneath his seat and went to look in the hood.

His face was engulfed with smoke as he tried to get a clear look inside. Even with the help of the flashlight, it was still dark and he couldn't really see. From what he could detect, it seemed like something was loose. As he was turning around to go back in the car to find some tools, a pair of bright headlights shined in his eyes. Soon, a woman walked out with a flashlight of her own.

"Hey, do you need some help?" she asked.

John looked at the smokey hood. "Um, no. I think I can handle it. But thanks for asking."

The woman kept walking towards him. "Oh, so you're one of those, 'I'll do it myself' type of guys." She said, taking a look inside the hood. John looked at her. "Actually, yes. So what?"

She nodded and put her hand on her hip. "Well, that's going to change today. From what I can see, it looks like you've got some problems with your engine. It's pretty dark, so you won't be able to see too far in there. I'm assuming you don't have some spare oil in your car." She pointed up to the sky. "And it looks like it's going to rain."

John looked up and scoffed. "It's not going to-" He was cut off as a few drops fell on his arm.

"Enough said. So it's up to you, I can call a tow truck service I know, or you can stand out here and have fun in the rain with your jacked up car. Your choice."

John clenched his teeth, feeling his temper rise. He already wasn't in the best mood, and the way this woman was talking to him wasn't making things any easier. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. He looked at her through the rain that was falling harder each minute.

"Okay, I'll take that as a yes." She walked over a few steps and pulled out her phone before dialing a number. Meanwhile, John sat inside his car to avoid the rain. After she was done, she walked back to her car and sat inside while they both waited for the tow truck. It was about a one and a half hour wait before the truck appeared and parked right in front of John's car. After the women greeted the driver he talked to John and explained that the shop was in Huntersville and told him the towing price. John paid him right then and the driver hoisted John's car onto the truck.

"Okay, I'm going to get this to the shop and see what we can do." He said. The women smiled and shook his hand. "Okay, thanks Andy."

The man then looked at John. "Where exactly are you headed?"

"I was actually on my way to Wilmington." John explained.

"Sorry, I can't take you all the way out there. Only to the shop or around that area."

"Well, I'm headed to Lenoir. I can give you a ride around there if you want." The woman said.

"I just came from there and I prefer not to go back."

She looked up at the sky. "Well, you don't really have a choice. The rain is coming back and it's probably going to be harder than before. Either Huntersville or Lenoir. Take your pick."

John contemplated this and reluctantly went along with her. She gestured to her car and he sat in the passenger seat while she talked with the driver for a few minutes. Afterwards, she got in the car and pulled back onto the road.

Tim POV

"So how's everything going with Jeremy?" Mia asked.

"Great. You know we're working on a business. Not completely decided yet." Tim said.

"That's great. You guys have always worked so well together." She poured herself another cup of tea from the kettle that sat on the table.

As Tim was sitting at a local coffee shop, she spotted him and they both spent the past hour talking and catching up. Mia was an old friend he knew since he was a teenager. After high school, they had lost touch when she temporarily moved to Florida to be with a sick family member. He had recently heard she was back but never had a chance to see her. He couldn't hide the surprise he had on his face when she first walked up to him.

She looked down at his hand. "So you're married. Who's the lucky girl?"

"You know her. It's Savannah."

Mia smiled. "Savannah Curtis? Or Savannah Wheddon, I suppose."

"Yup. We're coming up on our four year anniversary."

"Wow, I always knew you liked her. I just never thought you guys would even date, let alone get married. When did all this happen?"

"Around the time when my parents passed away." He watched as her facial expression changed just as it did when he told her half an hour ago.

"Again, I'm so sorry about that."

"It's ok. It's not like you had anything to do with it. But it helped in a way. Without that happening, I probably wouldn't have married Savannah." Tim put his head down and looked into his mug of tea. He knew how right he was when he said that. After his parents had passed away, she was the one person that was there for him all the time. Of course, he had other friends that gave him someone to talk once in a while, but she was the one that always answered his calls and would talk to him all night if he needed her to.

He knew he was lucky. Not just that she fell in love with him, but that she chose him. Even though it would've been a while before John would be home, she still picked him. He knew how much she loved him. He would be her shoulder to cry on whenever she missed him, which was very often. Whenever he would tell old friends they were married, they wouldn't only be surprised, but so would he. He had been crazy about her for years and never thought he would have the courage to let her know that. But when they had their darkest days and they were both completely vulnerable, it was easy to express that to her.

The past three years had been incredible. They had their own little family, with her, himself, and Alan of course. The way she treated him made things even better and he was grateful every day that he had her. Of course he wanted a family of his own and expressed that to her many times. Savannah was always very vocal about wanting children. She had been that way since they were little kids. But he sometimes felt that she was a little hesitant. Whenever he would bring it up, she wasn't as excited as she had been about it when they younger or even in the first year or two of their marriage. He didn't know why, but it worried him a little.

"So when can I expect a little one?" Mia asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"Oh, we're actually trying now. Whenever it happens, I guess."

Mia drank the last of her tea. "Well, that's great." She looked at her watch. "I'd love to stay, but I have somewhere I need to get to and it's getting pretty late. I should get going." They exchanged phone numbers and she left, leaving Tim by himself.

John POV

John rolled down the window of the car. He felt the chilly night air blow against his face. "You haven't told me your name, you know."

The woman briefly glanced at him before putting her eyes back on the road. "You haven't asked."

"So I have to ask? I thought it was common courtesy. You came up to me, remember? Most people would have said, 'Hi, I'm so and so.' or something like that."

She smirked at him and turned up the radio. "Well, I'm not most people." She drove for a few minutes before speaking again. "Besides, you've been kind of standoffish. I sense that you aren't really appreciating my help."

John snorted. "And what if I'm not?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "It doesn't matter. I didn't help so that you'd appreciate it. I helped because it was the right thing to do." She turned up the radio some more and John took that as his cue to be quiet.

The rest of the drive was silent and as they pulled into Lenoir, she turned the music down. "Okay, where are you headed?"

"Just take me to the motel, it's a couple of blocks away. It'll be on your left."

She nodded and drove to where he told her to. Once they reached the motel, she pulled over to the side and drove into the parking lot. John felt a little awkward. Considering that their time together wasn't exactly pleasant, he wasn't sure a 'thank you, you're a lifesaver' was appropriate. As if she read his mind, she spoke. "Don't worry, you don't have to thank me, even though you were kind of a jerk."

John smirked. "Fine then, I won't." He grabbed his things from the back of the car and made his way to the front of the motel. The woman pulled out of the parking lot and drove past him on her way out. She rolled down the window and said, loud enough that he could hear. "You're welcome."

* * *

><p>John sighed as he plopped down on his bed. He felt awful. He had been a complete jerk the entire night just because he was feeling confused about his own life. He made a quick promise to himself that if he saw that woman again, he would apologize to her. But he thought about why he acted that way. It had less to do with being upset about his car and more to do with Savannah. He didn't want to face the fact that she was back in his life. It had been three days since he'd seen her and she was probably feeling bad that he hadn't called. But he knew Savannah, and she probably would've tried to get in contact with him sooner or later. Either by showing up at his father's house in Wilmington or trying to get his number. He was just afraid. Afraid to face the fact that she moved on. It killed him more each day. But he knew that he would have to do it sooner or later. Not for Savannah's sake, for his own. Just to have closure.<p>

He reached into his bag and pulled out the wrinkled piece of paper before dialing the number on his phone. After a few rings, she answered. "Hey, Savannah. It's me, John."

**Thanks for reading. Please take a moment and leave a review. It would be greatly appreciated. Update coming soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

John POV

John paid the cab driver and stepped out onto the sidewalk. In front of him stood a brick building with a sign on the door that read _Andy's mechanical services_. He made his way inside and the bells on the door chimed. Andy rolled out from beneath a car and stood up to greet him.

"Hey, it's John, right?" John nodded. "Great. I was wondering when you would come and get your truck. I called and left you a message."

"Sorry I didn't answer the phone. But I heard your message last night so I took a cab here."

Andy walked to the back of the shop and John followed along. They reached John's truck and he stopped. "Okay, there it is. Turns out you had some engine problems and needed an oil change. I saw that your left rear tire had a little hole in it so I changed that, too."

John walked over and examined the car. "Thank you so much. I had no idea what was wrong with it. I don't think I would have been able to fix it on my own."

Andy smiled. "No problem. Just doing my job. Now go to the front desk on the other side of the shop and someone will be there to give you some papers and your keys."

John walked out the same way they came in and spotted a desk a few feet away. He walked towards it and looked around before spotting a bell on the counter. After hitting it a few times, he waited. No one came and he lifted his hands to ring it again before someone stopped him from behind.

"Don't break it. It's the only one we have." As soon as John heard her voice, he knew it was the woman who helped him last week. It felt a bit weird for him. Not the fact that he saw her again, but the fact that he remembered her voice so well.

The woman looked up and he could see in her facial expression that she recognized him, too. "Oh, it's you. You're here to get your car, huh?" She sighed and he could tell she was tired. She reached underneath the counter and pulled out a clipboard with a few sheets of paper attached. She grabbed a pen from a cup and handed both to him.

"Just fill out these forms. I'll go get your keys." She walked away and through a side door. John stared until she was gone and began filling out the form. He was done before she came back and spent a few minutes looking around. He looked on the desk behind the counter and saw a small picture frame. In the picture, he saw the woman. He hadn't really been paying attention to her appearance the last time he saw her but in the photo, he could see that she had red hair. It wasn't completely red but a nice rich shade with a touch of ginger, which, from afar, could have her mistaken for a brunette. She was smiling in the photo and next to her was a little girl, who looked to be about five years old. She was smiling as well and they both had their arms around each other.

"Okay, here they are." The woman walked in, waving John's keys in the air. She grabbed the clipboard and quickly examined it, flipping through each form. "All right, you're all set." She gave him his keys and wrote a receipt and handed it to him. John stuffed his keys in his pocket and took the receipt. He stared at her for a long time before opening his mouth. "I'm sorry." He said softly. She looked up at him, urging him to go on. "For what?"

"For being a jerk last week. I was just feeling stressed about my own life and I wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone. Even a kind person who helped me out when I really needed it. I know my behavior was immature, ungrateful, and inexcusable but I just wanted to apologize. Just because I was having a crappy day didn't mean I should have put that on you."

She sighed and her breath flew a strand of her ginger red hair around her face. John tried to read her facial expression but found that he couldn't.

"Okay. I was wondering when you'd apologize. You seem like one of those guys that has a guilty conscience." She said.

John shrugged his shoulders. "You're right. And thank you. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come along."

"No problem." She looked at her watch and looked back up at John. "Well, I've got to get back to work."

John nodded. "Yeah, yeah, of course."

She looked down and read the clipboard. "It was nice seeing you again, John. And I really do mean that, considering the last time was a disaster."

John let out a small chuckle and watched as she walked back to the side door. As she pushed it open, he suddenly felt an urgency to stop her. "Hey." He called out.

She stopped and turned around. "Yeah?"

"Is it too late to ask you for your name?"

She briefly smiled at him. "Yeah, it is."

John began to frown and she laughed. "You're such a baby, but I'll pity you. It's Sydney."

John smiled and took a few steps back. "Well, Sydney, it was nice seeing you again, too."

Tim POV

Tim brought out another pitcher of lemonade and set it on the table on the porch. Mia picked it up and poured herself a glass before wiping the sweat from her forehead. "Sorry. I feel like I'm drinking all your lemonade."

"It's okay." Tim said. "It is a little hot out here. But I like it."

"Likewise." Mia began to type on her laptop. Since their encounter the previous week, Tim and Mia had been spending quite a bit of time together. Catching up and reminiscing about old times. That morning, Jeremy had sent him over some paperwork and Mia was going over it with him, helping him write notes and important points.

She typed some final words and crossed her arms in satisfaction. "There, all done."

Tim looked at the laptop. "Really?"

Mia nodded, her jet black hair blowing in the wind. "Mmm-hmm. How lucky are you to have me?"

"Very lucky. So you finished all of them?"

"No, just the first one."

Tim laughed. "I thought you meant you were done with all of them."

Mia shook her head. "No way. I may be smart and efficient, but I'm not a miracle worker." Tim laughed again and she joined him.

Tim heard footsteps and Savannah appeared on the porch. "Hey, how's it going?"

Mia grabbed the pitcher of lemonade. "Great, we just finished the first sheet, which means we'll be done in about twelve years."

Savannah smiled. "Good, just make sure I get my husband back before he hits his senior years. I don't think I'll like him as much with wrinkles." She teased. Tim reached over and put his arm around her waist before kissing her hand. "I'll take that, as long as you promise to make it up to me."

Savannah giggled and bent down to kiss him. "I should get going. I have some errands to run."

"Where are you going?" he asked.

Savannah's eyes drifted toward the stables. "Just to the store and a few other places. But I promise I'll be back before dinner." She gave him another kiss and waved to Mia. "See you later."

Savannah POV

Savannah ran her fingers along the cold vinyl of the hospital bed. She looked up and occupied her time by reading the various health posters on the wall. She wanted so bad to distract herself, but she knew that she would fail, just like she always had whenever she was in there. She knew it was wrong not to tell Tim where she was going and more importantly, what she was doing, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It had been about three months since she started going there and every time she returned for the same thing. The shame she felt whenever she would go home and he would kiss her and ask her how her day went never went away and she could always feel the bottle weighing heavy in her purse. She always felt her heart drop when he would stare at her, wondering why she wasn't pregnant. There had been numerous times where he would try to suggest that she go check out a doctor, but she always shut him down, telling him that it would happen in time.

There was no doubt that he loved her and if he ever found out that she didn't want to have children with him, he would most likely be upset at first, but eventually he would let it go. He always did and that was one of the things that killed Savannah. He was one of the most forgiving men she had ever met. Whenever they would have an argument, sure they would yell for a few minutes, but usually, it ended with him apologizing first, admitting how and why he was wrong, and telling her how much he loved her. That was why she couldn't tell him. It would be great that he would respect her wishes, but she wouldn't be able to live with herself knowing that she was the only thing standing in between Tim and his happiness with having his own children.

She liked to think that she was doing the right thing, but she knew deep down that she wasn't. Maybe for her, but definitely not for Tim. Instead, she was being extremely selfish, instead of being honest with the one man that she should have loved the most.

The door swung open and Dr. Graham walked in. He took a seat on his stool before extending his hand. Savannah shook it and he grabbed her folder on the table.

"Okay, Mrs. Wheddon. So it says you're just here for a check up."

"Yeah, I had a headache and some nausea the other day, but I'm better now."

"Okay. Well from the looks of some of these tests, everything seems to be fine. It was probably just a little migraine."

Savannah nodded and Dr. Graham closed her folder. "So how is everything else, Mrs. Wheddon? Do you have any questions for me?"

"No. Thank you, Dr. Graham."

"You're welcome." He stood up and picked up her folder. "It was nice seeing you." He walked towards the door before turning around. "Oh, I almost forgot to ask. Is the birth control working okay?"

The words stabbed her like an array of knives, just like they did any time she heard them. "Yes, it's working just fine."

Dr. Graham smiled. "Great. Tiffany will have your subscription at the front desk so you can pick up some more. Goodbye, Mrs. Wheddon."

Savannah looked down, feeling shameful. "Goodbye doctor Graham."

John POV

The cool breeze blew on John's face as he walked through the park. He had to constantly wipe the sweat from his hands onto his shirt. He hated how nervous he was. It wasn't like it was his first time meeting her. But yet, his heartbeat sped up anytime he heard footsteps, thinking it was her. What he hated even more was how disappointed he felt when it wasn't.

After he called Savannah, they had spent a few minutes talking on the phone. He didn't expect them to talk for hours and hours as if nothing had changed, but he was still a little surprised at how quick their conversation ended. He felt that they both had a lot to say and a simple phone call wouldn't be enough. They owed it to each other to say everything in person.

They had decided to meet in the park. It was only a few blocks from John's motel and he hopped in his truck and drove there. He had spent the last half an hour walking around waiting for her.

"Sorry I'm late." Savannah said. John turned around and she was walking towards him. "It's okay." He answered. It was still strange for him. He was so used to picking her up and kissing her every time he saw her, but it was different. The urge was still there, though.

Savannah smiled at him and started to walk beside him on the sidewalk. They walked in silence for a while, neither of them knowing what to say.

"I love walking out here." She said. "It's peaceful. There can be chaos and a million little kids running around screaming, but for some reason, it always feels like you're trapped in your own little world."

John stared at the ground. "Mmm."

"Why did we come here, John?"

John stopped walking and Savannah followed suit. "I don't know, Savannah. I mean, I know we talked on the phone, but I feel like there's a lot we left unsaid. I just thought it would be better that we speak in person."

Savannah sighed and sat down on a nearby bench. She picked a piece of grass from the ground and twirled it between her fingers. John opened his mouth to speak, but quickly shut it. He stared at her. He could see the deep lines of concentration on her face and he knew she was thinking hard about what she was going to say. She finally looked up and he saw that her eyes were welling up with tears.

"I'm so, so sorry." She whispered. He sat down next to her. She continued.

"There's no way for me to express how sorry I am. For years, I've dealt with the guilt of betraying you and going behind your back. I should have told you. I should have called you as soon as it started but I didn't. I waited and I led you on, making you think everything was fine. Meanwhile, I was here and my whole life was changing. I wanted to tell you so bad. But I always held on to the little hope that you would come home eventually. That you would marry me and we would spend the rest of our happy lives together and I could pretend that nothing had ever happened while you were gone, but it would have been a lie." By then, the tears she tried to hold back fell freely over her face and she was sobbing uncontrollably.

"I didn't know it was going to happen. It just did, John. I couldn't stop it and at one point, I didn't even want to. Suddenly, I wasn't spending my nights alone and I had someone to hug me and comfort me. I needed it, John. I needed it so bad and you weren't here to give it to me. At first, I thought Tim was just helping me fill the void I felt when you left, but it was so much more than that. I fell in love with him. He became one of the first things I thought about when I woke up and when we were apart, I felt myself longing to be with him." Savannah wiped away her tears, but new ones quickly took their place. She turned around to face John, who was listening intently.

"I wanted to wait for you. I really did. But I couldn't. I couldn't go on pretending that our relationship was fine when it wasn't. I admired you for what you were doing for our country, but I was hurting inside. I was hurting so much and you were the reason for that hurt." She stopped talking and looked back down on the ground. John took a deep breath and noticed she wasn't going to continue.

"Look, Savannah. It hurt me, too. Everyday I was in constant danger. I wondered if I would even live. Anytime those thoughts would come into my mind, you were the first thing I thought about. I thought about how devastated you would be. You don't know how happy I would be to get one of your letters. But I would also be crushed. It killed me that I had to read a letter from you instead of being able to wrap my arms around you. I spent all those days, counting down the minutes until I could see you again. Until I could look at your beautiful face again. But when I got that letter-" John's voice cracked as his throat became dry. He felt the tears coming out and he tried hard to swallow them.

"When I got that letter, my whole world came crashing down. I didn't care if I got shot or if a bomb exploded right next to me. I felt like anything would be better than living my life without you. I loved you so much Savannah. I wasn't even living my life before I met you and to have you leave me, it was like putting the world to a halt. I didn't want to believe it, but I had to. Especially after seeing you and Tim together. And I couldn't be angry because he's so good to you, Savannah."

John placed his hand on her cheek and they both looked at each other. "He's so good to you and he was there when I wasn't. He took my place and I had to accept that."

Savannah shook her head and spoke softly. "He didn't take your place, John. No one could. He has a special place in my heart, but there's things that we have that Tim can't ever give me. There are things that we've done that I can't ever do with Tim. He is my husband and I hate that it has to be like this because I do love him, but you will always be a part of me. No matter how much I may not want you to."

John removed his hand from her cheek. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I know that I made the right decision to leave, but I feel terrible about the pain I caused you."

"I understand why you did it, John. Tim was sick and I was so stressed. Taking care of him and Alan. Having you here would have made things so much more confusing. It took me a while to realize that, but I did. And I appreciate it so much."

John nodded and Savannah wiped her face again. "I know we're a long way from being friends," she said "but maybe we can try talking every now and then. I know that this is really dangerous and we would be taking a huge risk, but now that you're here, I can't afford to lose you again." She wiped away a tear from John's face and looked into his eyes.

He looked into hers and for the first time since he'd been back in Lenoir, he felt his guard fall down. He was completely vulnerable and hid no trace of emotion he felt. This was what he needed. Closure. All the anger and sadness he had been building up in the last three years was gone. It felt so good to talk to her. To actually talk to her and see that she still cared. He spent the last six months wandering around, trying to feel something, anything, and for the first time, he actually did feel something. And there was no way he was letting it go.

John brushed a strand of her brown hair away from her face. "I can't afford to lose you again, either."

**A/N: Thanks for reading. I know I haven't been updating frequently but I promise that will change so please keep checking for updates and please review. Thanks.**


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